WACKO! - A Musical

From our Guest Blogger Juliette


Following the raging success of Mamma Mia and We Will Rock You, I found myself thinking - what could be more topical than a musical based on the songs of Michael Jackson?

And what subject matter could be more topical than the end of New Labour?

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present...

WACKO!
A Political Musical

by Juliette

Scene 1 - MAD
(Dynamic opening number by leading man Gordon Brown, performed to the tune of Bad)

My smile is weird
It just don't look right
Go check it out
On that YouTube site
I'm telling you
Better watch your butt
Because I look
Like a scary nut...

I'm giving you
On count of two
To shit your pants
And vote for blue
I'm tellin you
Just watch my eyes
You wouldn't trust me
To serve you fries

Well they say I'm going crazy
And for me that's just a fact
But my friend, you have seen nothing
Just wait till I get sacked

Because I'm mad, I'm mad - come on
You know I'm mad, I'm mad - you know it
You know I'm mad, I'm mad - come on, you know
And the whole world has to answer right now
Just to tell you once again,
Who's mad . . .

Scene 2 - I JUST CAN'T STOP ROBBING YOU
(Passionate duet for two MPs, to the tune of I Just Can't Stop Loving You)

Each time the bills come
Stick 'em up your bum
I ain't got to pay ...
New suite this morning
Get some free porn in
It's on the UK

You know how I feel
This scam can't go wrong
I'm so proud to say
It's rent-free
I may be a scrote
But I got a clean moat
We'll get this shit forever
Thieving's the answer...

Off to the shop now
Get a free mop now
And carpet spray
Look voters, see here
Can't buy my own gear
On 90K

I won't spend my dosh
But I want to live posh
My life ain't worth living
If I can't steal from you...

I just can't stop robbing you
I just can't stop robbing you
And if I stop . . .
Then tell me just what will I do...

'Cos I just can't stop robbing you...


Scene 3 - KEN
(A sweet-faced young voter sings affectionately to a small evil-looking ratlike creature burrowing into London Paper, to the tune of Ben)

Ken, the Londoners need look no more
They all found what they were looking for
Like a mayor who isn't shit
You newt-loving old git
So you, my friend, are sacked
Piss off and don't come back

Ken, you're always slagging Boris off
You say he is just a useless toff
If you weren't a bitter knob
You might just shut your gob
You just look even worse
Can someone call for nurse?

Ken, most people would turn you away
They don't listen to a word you say
And they're absolutely right
You washed-up commie shite
I bet they'd vote again
If they had a mayor like Ken...


Scene 4 - MILIBAND
(The finale. A big show-stopping song and dance number performed by huge crowd of TV viewers, to the tune of Thriller)

It's close to midnight
and something scary's there on your TV
Right there on Newsnight,
You see a sight that makes you spill your tea
You try to scream
But terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze
And wish you hadn't taken those Allis
That was unwise...

'Cos this is Miliband, Miliband night
And no one's gonna save you from the freak with scary eyes
You know it's Miliband, on Newsnight
You're fighting for your life inside a Miliband interview tonight

Christ, he looks scary
Like something off a Hammer Horror flick
You try to calm down
And tell yourself he's just another prick
But Jesus Christ
He's like a dummy haunted by the devil
All through the night
You'll see his freaky likeness in your dreams
You start to scream...

'Cos this is Miliband, Miliband night
Just quickly change the channel, he's one spooky-looking shite
You know it's Miliband, on Newsnight
You're fighting for your life inside a Miliband interview tonight...


(Any Cameron Mackintoshy types want to buy the rights, you know where I am...)

J x