For those who dont read Private Eye:
An Experienced London Based Childminder writes:
I have been denied the right to work with children because I refuse to be vetted by the new Independent Safeguarding authority.
Ms Mary Poppins, 43 had been offered a post to Mr Banks an unemployed investment banker, who has been laid off as part of the credit crunch to look after his two children, Child J and Child M.
When told that she would not be allowed access unless she agread to be checked out as a possible paedophile she said," This is completely ridiculous and insulting."
The Home Office however, insisted that its new measures were "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" and were designed to end the atrociousness of child abuse throughout the nursery world.
When told this, Ms Poppins opened her umbrella and flew away.
This appears in Private Eye July 24- August 6th edition and is not completely verbatim plagiarised and is copyright to Private Eye where the orginal article existeth.