Wednesday, January 31, 2007

I should be happy but Im not

Ever get those days when you wake up and realise that you hate your life? That your therapist makes you feel shit and that the alarm clock waking you up with its little beep and the full sunrise bulb is a portent of doom, such that you throw the covers over your self and hunker down for as long a sleep-in that you can manage, because you cant be bothered to make it to the sitting room to switch your SAD lightbox on and to bask in its 10000 lux glow?

This is one of those days and with all good ironic days its sunny outside rather than the bleak grey of winter but you carry the bleak grey inside you and expand it to cover your personal space.

On the face of it Im blessed, I have money in the bank, a holiday booked, a dog that loves me and a dishwasher and an allotment in London. Do I feel blessed Not one bit!

I guess this is part of the depression and the perfectionism I set for myself that good days are fabulous and bad days are terrible.
Where have I gone wrong in the last 36 years? Working in the NHS is possibly one of those wrong moves. Protocols, Policies designed to make you feel like a tiny cog in a massive operation that can be replaced at a moments notice MMC seeks to do this even more and so that is why the last blogpost is entitled murdering medical careers.

The government are corrupt, we know they are and so do the police but has anyone thought about asking for a general election, No... of course not because all politicians are corruptible and most of them already are corrupted. Lets face facts if they weren't conniving and devious how could they ever have made it to MP in the first place.

The vitriol flows today even though I havent even thought about this blog and am just letting my imagination run and run and to cap it all off I need to get my greenhouse up this weekend and I also need to get my sodding computer to a data recovery specialist because the mother board over heated a couple of Sundays ago and left me without internet access at home.

Am I upset yes, am I angry yes so I'm off to the violence initiative tonight aswell so that when I explode at idiots on the road in this current state, I may be able to just calmly take it as a sign that the country is literally going to the dogs in future.

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