Guess I had to start somewhere after all, and a blog seems to be the way to go these days.
Who is this blog for? Well its based around the political atmosphere and because its a good form of therapy to sound off against people who seek to restrict us because of the fear of terrorism because that is letting the terrorists win. Why do I feel able to say this? I lost someone in the July 7th attacks and didn't find out until 2 weeks later, and I know that if he had managed to survive he'd be writing a blog about it. Of course that wasn't ever going to happen because the year before in July 2004 I had told him quite stunningly that he was going to die young after grabbing his palm as you do when you've been in bed together and saying Where's the rest of your lifeline?!
Sometimes I wish I had never said it, sometimes I wonder if I had said nothing that we might still be together as I got scared and broke it off wishing not to be the person waiting for him to come home one night and knowing deep inside that when I had kissed him goodbye that morning it would have been the last time I saw him alive.
If any of his friends had thought to phone me when he went missing I would have told them that it was pointless for them to go looking in the hospitals and leaving messages on web boards or anywhere else or putting posters up because I had foretold his death and that he was dead and there was no point in looking and that it was better to grieve there and then.
He had asked me how he would go and because I had no idea I had said that he would have been got by a bus
I did know that the cigarettes which he vainly tried to stop would not kill him in the end so he gave up giving up and restarted much to my distaste.
I wasn't far off, there was a bus bomb and I did think he would be ok as he had told me he didn't like the tube and preferred buses.
Unfortunately for me he was dead and he lay in that tube train for a few more days until he could be recovered and all the while I began to remember him more and more and think I had to get in touch.
I wont go into details as I don't think that would be fair to anyone but suffice to say he was very near Jermaine Lindsay when the bomb went off.
So here I am in the aftermath and I am publishing this to the web much as I submitted something to the BBC for his obituary.
Sure enough I had broke it off and didn't realise he was dead until the list got published but there were feelings that I had buried deep inside and whilst I recognise the need to move on I also need to write this to say that you can develop feelings for someone after meeting them just once or twice.