Showing posts with label light relief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label light relief. Show all posts
Saturday, September 19, 2009
The Elephant in the Room
Be careful about lying to people you may be avoiding the elephant in the room but you will always be caught out.
Truth will out.
That is all
Hat tip Salty
This is the best cartoon I have seen in a long while.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Labour Pains
From our Guest Blogger Juliette
I'm about to make a fairly radical comment here
I can't stand Labour.
Whether it's Old Labour, New Labour or sort of Middle Aged But Young At Heart Labour, it gets on my bloody nerves. And it always has done
Normally, anyone who fancies themself as a bit on the intellectual or satirical side is duty-bound to say the exact opposite. Labour is my bestest friend. And Convervatives are stupid/boring/ ugly/unsexy/smell of poo-poo/have nits/can't play with us.
Well, sorry. But - while I'm no great pom-pom carrying cheerleader for the Right (and I still think George Osbourne is Central Casting's ideal choice for a Home Counties Patrick Bateman) - the fact is, I hate the Left a whole lot more.
There are many vices in this world I can happily tolerate.
However, hypocrisy is not one of them.
And the Left is absolutely crawling with the stuff. Exuding it from every sanctimonious pore.
Read the Guardian comment section, and its columnists are constantly warning of the hell that will await us under the Tories. Within months of Cameron acending to power, England will become a nightmarish dystopia of cruelty and evil. Peasants being whipped to death in the street for the crime of pulling a rickshaw too slowly. Babies starving in gutters as top-hatted capitalists whisk past lighting their foot-long cigars with hundred-pound notes. Serfs, vassals and droit de seigneur. People of England, you have been warned.
Well, I hate to burst their bubble, but - unlike the proles in 1984 - I do have a fairly reliable memory. And it tells me that day-to-day life under the Tories was pretty much same as it is now.
Maybe a bit lighter on Diversity Co-ordinators, Traveller Liaison Support Workers and Equality Support Strategic Development Co-ordination Czars.
But what the hell, we survived.
And yes, I know there are statistics showing that there's less crime, safer streets, happier pensioners, better healthcare etc etc etc under Labour. Thing is, you can prove anything with statistics. Literally anything. Especially if you threaten the people producing them with demotion or dismissal if they can't make the numbers go the right way. You can prove that Iraq is a safer place to live than Tunbridge Wells. Or that you're in more danger from a feather duster than a terrorist bomb. Don't believe me, watch The Wire some time.
IMHO, all politicians without exception are dodgy, thieving, lying wankers who care about exactly two things - getting elected, and getting rich(er).
The only difference is that the right are (very slightly) less hypocritical and annoying about it.
And while they're ripping you off, screwing the public for every last penny, not giving a tinker's toss about the poor and needy, crawling up the arses of any dodgy Russian billionaires that happen to bung them a few (milion) quid and scrounging freebies right, left and centre, they don't simultaneously expect you to bow down and worship them as the public-spirited holiest of public-spirited holies.
Here are my top reasons why the right-on left wing sucks...
1
Polly Toynbee
God, how I loathe this woman. How can I even begin to convey the depth of my hatred and contempt for her, and everything she stands for?
Here is my case for the prosecution.
Exhibit A - her smug, annoying, sanctimoniously smirking face - which acts much like a government health warning on a packet of fags, immediately warning you of what horrors lurk within. She has the most instantly dislikeable visage this side of Mark Thatcher.
Exhibit B - her relentless patronising air of holier-than-thou superiority, which she takes to a level that would make Lady Bountiful physically sick. Underscored by the certain knowledge that, for all her pontificating on the tragedy of inner city estates and what must be done to help their unfortunate underprivileged inhabitants, she lives about as far away from an inner city estate as it's humanly possible to get without the aid of space travel.
She is the sort of person who will earnestly use the phrase 'people less fortunate than ourselves'
The sort of person who will say 'it is tremendously important to understand the social context that compels under-privileged young people to demonstrate challenging behaviour and become involved in the justice system.'
But you can bet your left tit she's got a bloody good burglar alarm.
The only good thing about Polly Toynbee is that - if you read her column right before Body Combat - you'll go into that class like a young Mike Tyson on crack.
So from the narrow perspective of my health and fitness, I guess she's not a complete waste of space...
2
John Prescott
Yes, I know he's yesterday's man. But for me, his entire being summarises an entire breed - he's the sanctimonious Old Left incarnate. And highlights a rather awkward truth which the likes of the Ragged Trousered Philanthropists somehow endeavoured to ignore.
People in power immediately become greedy bastards. Fact.
This applies whether they were born in a forty-bedroomed stately home with wall-to-wall housemaids and hot and cold running butlers, or in a cardboard box in t'middle of t'motorway a la the Monty Python sketch.
Far as I can tell, the only difference between old-left John Prescott and old-right Nicholas Soames is that Nicholas Soames a - knows how to hold his cutlery, b - isn't carrying something on his shoulder that's less a chip, more a fair-sized branch of McDonalds, and c - isn't a hypocritical cock jockey who thinks he's a man of the people despite owning five dozen polo ponies, eight mansions and a private army.
Apart from that, they're two smug greedy fat peas in a particularly ugly pod (think the horrible great slimy things in Gremlins...)
3
Virginia/Harriet/Jacqui/Margaret/Hazel/Thing
Aaargh! It's a multi headed political monster in horrible flat brown lace-up shoes, and it's trying to bore us to death! It's bombarding us with heavy-duty jargon at machine-gun pace! Multi-agency-working! Robust strategic partnerships! Outcome-focused patient-centric services! Use the Farce, Luke. Use the Farce!
4
The Observer On Sunday Magazine Section
Lost. Will to live. Answers to the name of Fluffy.
5
Polly Toynbee
Yes, I know I mentioned her before. But I hate the pious old bag so much, I just had to give her a second reference.
So it's another mention for the intrepid people's champion, with a real intuitive grasp of how ordinary British citizens live, think, work and feel. Daughter of rich literati. Great-niece of billionaire philathropist. Alumnus of Badminton School and St Anne's College, Oxford.
Anyone know where I can buy a decent voodoo doll round the Liverpool Street area?
6
The Right-On Teachers Of My Youth
If a teacher attempted to brainwash kids by reading them right-wing propaganda, there would be an uproar - and rightly so.
So how come, in my youth as now, it's perfectly okay to do the opposite?
Today, the offending books would almost certainly have been the staggeringly over-rated works of Philip Pullman - whose entire philosophy could be summarised as follows. Brainwashing kids to be conservative or religious is vile and unforgivable, and CS Lewis was a wanker. It's quite okay to brainwash them to be liberal atheists, though. Hey kids, God is dead, gay is good and anyone who says any different is evil and deserves to die.
Back in the day, however, it was a book series named The Borribles by a man named Michel de Larrabeiti. Which was read out to our primary school class, in not-particularly-eagerly-awaited instalments, by some Thatch-hatin' commie twat of a teacher called Mr Wilson. He had a guitar, too. And wore jeans. If he'd been any more of a cliche, he'd have been removed from the first draft of his own life by an eagle-eyed editor.
For some inexplicable reason, the Borribles series has fallen into obscurity. But here's the story in brief, if memory serves. Kids (who are good) run away from home and from grown-ups (which are bad), and form an anarchic tribe of their own called the Borribles (which is good). They survive by stealing (which is good) from adult businesses (which are bad). But they only steal food, and not money (which is bad). Their enemies are the police (who are bad), who try to catch them and make them become respectable law-abiding citizens (which is bad).
The police are led by an evil man named Inspector Sussworth, who is short and dark-haired with a toothbrush moustanche and a passion for order. The author doesn't actually give him one bollock or a German accent, but you get the impression it was a close-run thing.
It was the most most glaring attempt at childhood brainwashing since Swastika Press released their children's classic Jenny Lives With Adolf and Eva.
Although actually, it didn't work. Because even at the tender age of nine, I privately considered Mr Wilson to be an annoying cock monkey - and hence believed the exact opposite of anything he told us.
To this very day, I still think the police are better than shoplifters.
Sorry, Mr Wilson.
I'm voting Conservative next election, anyway. And at this point, I'm going to come right out and tell you the shocking truth.
I voted Conservative last general election, too.
Hey, sue me...
J x
I'm about to make a fairly radical comment here
I can't stand Labour.
Whether it's Old Labour, New Labour or sort of Middle Aged But Young At Heart Labour, it gets on my bloody nerves. And it always has done
Normally, anyone who fancies themself as a bit on the intellectual or satirical side is duty-bound to say the exact opposite. Labour is my bestest friend. And Convervatives are stupid/boring/ ugly/unsexy/smell of poo-poo/have nits/can't play with us.
Well, sorry. But - while I'm no great pom-pom carrying cheerleader for the Right (and I still think George Osbourne is Central Casting's ideal choice for a Home Counties Patrick Bateman) - the fact is, I hate the Left a whole lot more.
There are many vices in this world I can happily tolerate.
However, hypocrisy is not one of them.
And the Left is absolutely crawling with the stuff. Exuding it from every sanctimonious pore.
Read the Guardian comment section, and its columnists are constantly warning of the hell that will await us under the Tories. Within months of Cameron acending to power, England will become a nightmarish dystopia of cruelty and evil. Peasants being whipped to death in the street for the crime of pulling a rickshaw too slowly. Babies starving in gutters as top-hatted capitalists whisk past lighting their foot-long cigars with hundred-pound notes. Serfs, vassals and droit de seigneur. People of England, you have been warned.
Well, I hate to burst their bubble, but - unlike the proles in 1984 - I do have a fairly reliable memory. And it tells me that day-to-day life under the Tories was pretty much same as it is now.
Maybe a bit lighter on Diversity Co-ordinators, Traveller Liaison Support Workers and Equality Support Strategic Development Co-ordination Czars.
But what the hell, we survived.
And yes, I know there are statistics showing that there's less crime, safer streets, happier pensioners, better healthcare etc etc etc under Labour. Thing is, you can prove anything with statistics. Literally anything. Especially if you threaten the people producing them with demotion or dismissal if they can't make the numbers go the right way. You can prove that Iraq is a safer place to live than Tunbridge Wells. Or that you're in more danger from a feather duster than a terrorist bomb. Don't believe me, watch The Wire some time.
IMHO, all politicians without exception are dodgy, thieving, lying wankers who care about exactly two things - getting elected, and getting rich(er).
The only difference is that the right are (very slightly) less hypocritical and annoying about it.
And while they're ripping you off, screwing the public for every last penny, not giving a tinker's toss about the poor and needy, crawling up the arses of any dodgy Russian billionaires that happen to bung them a few (milion) quid and scrounging freebies right, left and centre, they don't simultaneously expect you to bow down and worship them as the public-spirited holiest of public-spirited holies.
Here are my top reasons why the right-on left wing sucks...
1
Polly Toynbee
God, how I loathe this woman. How can I even begin to convey the depth of my hatred and contempt for her, and everything she stands for?
Here is my case for the prosecution.
Exhibit A - her smug, annoying, sanctimoniously smirking face - which acts much like a government health warning on a packet of fags, immediately warning you of what horrors lurk within. She has the most instantly dislikeable visage this side of Mark Thatcher.
Exhibit B - her relentless patronising air of holier-than-thou superiority, which she takes to a level that would make Lady Bountiful physically sick. Underscored by the certain knowledge that, for all her pontificating on the tragedy of inner city estates and what must be done to help their unfortunate underprivileged inhabitants, she lives about as far away from an inner city estate as it's humanly possible to get without the aid of space travel.
She is the sort of person who will earnestly use the phrase 'people less fortunate than ourselves'
The sort of person who will say 'it is tremendously important to understand the social context that compels under-privileged young people to demonstrate challenging behaviour and become involved in the justice system.'
But you can bet your left tit she's got a bloody good burglar alarm.
The only good thing about Polly Toynbee is that - if you read her column right before Body Combat - you'll go into that class like a young Mike Tyson on crack.
So from the narrow perspective of my health and fitness, I guess she's not a complete waste of space...
2
John Prescott
Yes, I know he's yesterday's man. But for me, his entire being summarises an entire breed - he's the sanctimonious Old Left incarnate. And highlights a rather awkward truth which the likes of the Ragged Trousered Philanthropists somehow endeavoured to ignore.
People in power immediately become greedy bastards. Fact.
This applies whether they were born in a forty-bedroomed stately home with wall-to-wall housemaids and hot and cold running butlers, or in a cardboard box in t'middle of t'motorway a la the Monty Python sketch.
Far as I can tell, the only difference between old-left John Prescott and old-right Nicholas Soames is that Nicholas Soames a - knows how to hold his cutlery, b - isn't carrying something on his shoulder that's less a chip, more a fair-sized branch of McDonalds, and c - isn't a hypocritical cock jockey who thinks he's a man of the people despite owning five dozen polo ponies, eight mansions and a private army.
Apart from that, they're two smug greedy fat peas in a particularly ugly pod (think the horrible great slimy things in Gremlins...)
3
Virginia/Harriet/Jacqui/Margaret/Hazel/Thing
Aaargh! It's a multi headed political monster in horrible flat brown lace-up shoes, and it's trying to bore us to death! It's bombarding us with heavy-duty jargon at machine-gun pace! Multi-agency-working! Robust strategic partnerships! Outcome-focused patient-centric services! Use the Farce, Luke. Use the Farce!
4
The Observer On Sunday Magazine Section
Lost. Will to live. Answers to the name of Fluffy.
5
Polly Toynbee
Yes, I know I mentioned her before. But I hate the pious old bag so much, I just had to give her a second reference.
So it's another mention for the intrepid people's champion, with a real intuitive grasp of how ordinary British citizens live, think, work and feel. Daughter of rich literati. Great-niece of billionaire philathropist. Alumnus of Badminton School and St Anne's College, Oxford.
Anyone know where I can buy a decent voodoo doll round the Liverpool Street area?
6
The Right-On Teachers Of My Youth
If a teacher attempted to brainwash kids by reading them right-wing propaganda, there would be an uproar - and rightly so.
So how come, in my youth as now, it's perfectly okay to do the opposite?
Today, the offending books would almost certainly have been the staggeringly over-rated works of Philip Pullman - whose entire philosophy could be summarised as follows. Brainwashing kids to be conservative or religious is vile and unforgivable, and CS Lewis was a wanker. It's quite okay to brainwash them to be liberal atheists, though. Hey kids, God is dead, gay is good and anyone who says any different is evil and deserves to die.
Back in the day, however, it was a book series named The Borribles by a man named Michel de Larrabeiti. Which was read out to our primary school class, in not-particularly-eagerly-awaited instalments, by some Thatch-hatin' commie twat of a teacher called Mr Wilson. He had a guitar, too. And wore jeans. If he'd been any more of a cliche, he'd have been removed from the first draft of his own life by an eagle-eyed editor.
For some inexplicable reason, the Borribles series has fallen into obscurity. But here's the story in brief, if memory serves. Kids (who are good) run away from home and from grown-ups (which are bad), and form an anarchic tribe of their own called the Borribles (which is good). They survive by stealing (which is good) from adult businesses (which are bad). But they only steal food, and not money (which is bad). Their enemies are the police (who are bad), who try to catch them and make them become respectable law-abiding citizens (which is bad).
The police are led by an evil man named Inspector Sussworth, who is short and dark-haired with a toothbrush moustanche and a passion for order. The author doesn't actually give him one bollock or a German accent, but you get the impression it was a close-run thing.
It was the most most glaring attempt at childhood brainwashing since Swastika Press released their children's classic Jenny Lives With Adolf and Eva.
Although actually, it didn't work. Because even at the tender age of nine, I privately considered Mr Wilson to be an annoying cock monkey - and hence believed the exact opposite of anything he told us.
To this very day, I still think the police are better than shoplifters.
Sorry, Mr Wilson.
I'm voting Conservative next election, anyway. And at this point, I'm going to come right out and tell you the shocking truth.
I voted Conservative last general election, too.
Hey, sue me...
J x
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Bit of Light Relief
I thought I should share a nice little photo session ( courtesy of B3ta) with you.Midweek light relief ( yes I know its Thursday) I was busy... click on the picture to enlarge it and read it in full Technicolour.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Midweek light relief
With all the bad news we need cheering up this morning
Enjoy the sunshine I will be. Yes I could blog on loads of topics but I have plants to put in Digging to do and I am not going to be in front of the computer all day.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Light relief
MacDonald's have started home delivery service to Bihar a state in India renowned for its rurality and poverty.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Seven Good Things Tag
Rachel from North London has tagged me so I must do the necessary
Seven good things
1. Low carb diets that show results in less than three weeks Namely the idiot proof diet by India Knight and Neris Thomas( ps If you get a spike in sales I want commission)
2.Friends who help you out in your hour of need and don't judge you.
3. Lidl because without Lidl ordinary people would never come home with cheap useful quality stuff( and Aldi and Netto to a degree) and yes I want commission if Lidl starts selling out because I need stuff too.
4. Concrete raft foundations for making earthquakes easier to cope with.
5. Omega 3 fish oil in high concentration on prescription
6. Celeriac for being the most versatile vegetable on the bloody planet and being low in carbs to boot
7. The ability to glean wild food from the planet without it costing you a penny.
Right I tag the following people
Theo Spark
Neuearbeitmachtfrei
Rogue Gunner
Single mother on the Verge
Menopausal Old Bag
Chaucers Bitch
Mark Wadsworth
The Cookiemouse
Seven good things
1. Low carb diets that show results in less than three weeks Namely the idiot proof diet by India Knight and Neris Thomas( ps If you get a spike in sales I want commission)
2.Friends who help you out in your hour of need and don't judge you.
3. Lidl because without Lidl ordinary people would never come home with cheap useful quality stuff( and Aldi and Netto to a degree) and yes I want commission if Lidl starts selling out because I need stuff too.
4. Concrete raft foundations for making earthquakes easier to cope with.
5. Omega 3 fish oil in high concentration on prescription
6. Celeriac for being the most versatile vegetable on the bloody planet and being low in carbs to boot
7. The ability to glean wild food from the planet without it costing you a penny.
Right I tag the following people
Theo Spark
Neuearbeitmachtfrei
Rogue Gunner
Single mother on the Verge
Menopausal Old Bag
Chaucers Bitch
Mark Wadsworth
The Cookiemouse
Monday, December 17, 2007
Sluts and the City
A valuable resource for Sex and the City...
Normal blogging will come back soon but to get you all in the festive mood here is something a little x rated to cheer you up.
Normal blogging will come back soon but to get you all in the festive mood here is something a little x rated to cheer you up.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
A Bit Of Light Relief
Well its not funny, but it is ironic and a little harsh but I enjoyed it.
Normal service will resume soon. One has to rest as its all getting a bit much at present. Xmas comes and the fucking world just goes crazy and its cold outside and I need to sleep a bit more.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Something for the weekend
Im not feeling up to swearblogging today. I think I overdid it on the first post yesterday
Click first post and see, in the mean time enjoy your Friday night.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
It could only happen in India
A man who was cursed with a disability after he stoned two dogs to death has married a a female dog.
Link here
Normally you'd expect the bride to be human but in this case his wife really is a bitch.
And his wife is the daughter of a bitch.
Well I suppose it takes all sorts.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Enemybook
Remember Arsebook? well now there is a Facebook user that has created an application called Enemybook.
God knows why but its there. Main page link here
Edit and Update:
God knows why but its there. Main page link here
Edit and Update:
Enemybook is an antisocial utility that disconnects you
to the so-called friends around you.
Enemybook is a Facebook app that allows you to manage your enemies as well as your friends. With Enemybook you can add people as facebook enemies, specify why they are your enemies, notify your enemies, see who lists you as an enemy, and even become friends with the enemies of your enemies. Ever wanted to "enemy" somebody instead of friend them? Finally you can. This app remedies the one-sided perspective of Facebook.
Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer...
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Facebook and its alter ego
We've all heard about Facebook now haven't we. Well it has an alter ego called Arsebook
Made me laugh anyway. Facebook seems to be taking over my life because there is so much to do on it and because my usual haunt is off limits (long story).
Made me laugh anyway. Facebook seems to be taking over my life because there is so much to do on it and because my usual haunt is off limits (long story).
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Monday, July 2, 2007
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Cool Dude Rio
Cool Dude Rio vs
Originally uploaded by Screaming Bertha.
Friend sent me a picture of his doberman dressed for the hot weather and quite funny it is too
Cheered me up
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