Tory voters beware...

Hat tip to Bermondseymum and to Dulwichmum and to Aims who pointed it out




Enjoy

They're made out of meat

"They’re made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"Meat. They’re made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"There’s no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They’re completely meat."
"That’s impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"
"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don’t come from them. The signals come from machines."
"So who made the machines? That’s who we want to contact."
"They made the machines. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."
"That’s ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You’re asking me to believe in sentient meat."
"I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they’re made out of meat."
"Maybe they’re like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."
"Nope. They’re born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn’t take long. Do you have any idea what’s the life span of meat?"
"Spare me. Okay, maybe they’re only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."
"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They’re meat all the way through."
"No brain?"
"Oh, there’s a brain all right. It’s just that the brain is made out of meat! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you."
"So … what does the thinking?"
"You’re not understanding, are you? You’re refusing to deal with what I’m telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."
"Thinking meat! You’re asking me to believe in thinking meat!"
"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"
"Omigod. You’re serious then. They’re made out of meat."
"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they’ve been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."
"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"
"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."
"We’re supposed to talk to meat."
"That’s the idea. That’s the message they’re sending out by radio. ‘Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.’ That sort of thing."
"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."
"I thought you just told me they used radio."
"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."
"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"
"Officially or unofficially?"
"Both."
"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."
"I was hoping you would say that."
"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"
"I agree one hundred percent. What’s there to say? ‘Hello, meat. How’s it going?’ But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"
"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can’t live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."
"So we just pretend there’s no one home in the Universe."
"That’s it."
"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You’re sure they won’t remember?"
"They’ll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we’re just a dream to them."
"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat’s dream."
"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."
"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"
"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."
"They always come around."
"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone …"


Link here

Oldie but goodie
By Terry Bisson
Edited at 7.30pm

James Purnell Quits

More woes from the Government with James Purnell going

so heres a little election light relief for you all

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the No. 10. Downing street
One is an English worker , another is a scottish worker , and the third is an Indian worker .
All three go with a No.10 offical to examine the fence.

The English contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run to about £500:- £200 for materials, £200 for my crew and £100 profit for me."
The Scottish contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for £600: £250 for materials, £250 for my crew and £100 profit for me."
The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the No. 10 official and whispers, "£1500."
The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Indian contractor whispers back, "£500 for me, £500 for you, and we hire the English contractor to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the governme nt official.
And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.


Edit:

Dear Gordon



We both love the Labour Party.

I have worked for it for twenty years and you for far longer. We know we owe it everything and it owes us nothing.

I owe it to our Party to say what I believe no matter how hard that may. I now believe your continued leadership makes a Conservative victory more not less likely

That would be disastrous for our country. This moment calls for stronger regulation, an active state, better public services, an open democracy.

It calls for a government that measures itself by how it treats thepoorest in society. Those are our values, not David Cameron's.

We therefore owe it to our country to give it a real choice. We need to show that we are prepared to fight to be a credible government and have the courage to offer an alternative future.

I am therefore calling on you to stand aside to give our Party a fighting chance of winning. And as such I am resigning from Government.

The Party was here long before us, and we want it to be here long after we have gone. We must do the right thing by it.

I am not seeking the leadership, nor acting with anyone else. My actions are my own considered view, nothing more.

If the consensus is that you should continue, then I will supportthe government loyally from the backbenches. But I do believe that this question now needs to be put.

Thank you for giving me the privilege of serving.

Yours

Rt Hon James Purnell MP

Bit of Light Relief

I thought I should share a nice little photo session ( courtesy of B3ta) with you.

Midweek light relief ( yes I know its Thursday) I was busy... click on the picture to enlarge it and read it in full Technicolour.

Drapers Downfall

Ht Obnoxio and others

The perfect Christmas Gift?

It made me laugh perhaps it might make you laugh too

All that Glitters is Definitely Gold

Here is a faultless couple.(Javed Miandad's son and his wife (Dawood Ibrahim's Daughter).........

It made me laugh anyway... ( tip click on picture to see large version)

Following Devils Kitchen

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Surprise surprise and there I was commenting on his assassination on Devils Kitchen as well...

Coincidence?

Anti social Networking sites (2)

In my never ending quest to find rip off pages I have found this today (link)

Funny for a little while but just pure advertising as usual